1 00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:58,424 - I still don't know where we fit in the world. 2 00:01:03,097 --> 00:01:05,931 I thought leaving faith behind would relieve 3 00:01:05,933 --> 00:01:08,367 the dissonance I always felt. 4 00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:12,472 It didn't. 5 00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:21,980 Through it all, I find myself holding onto these values. 6 00:01:23,217 --> 00:01:26,852 So does Chris, my former mission companion. 7 00:01:29,123 --> 00:01:30,789 For one reason or another, we've had trouble 8 00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:33,158 finding our way. 9 00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:39,765 It's been a year since I've seen him, 10 00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:43,535 and tomorrow, he comes back to the Northwest. 11 00:01:44,972 --> 00:01:48,807 We've agreed to put it all behind us and start fresh, 12 00:01:50,244 --> 00:01:53,879 uninhibited by the Church, our families, distance, 13 00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:55,347 or anything else. 14 00:01:56,817 --> 00:01:58,183 We deserve that. 15 00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:01,720 Everyone does. 16 00:02:33,988 --> 00:02:34,988 - Hey. - Hey. 17 00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:38,423 I cannot believe you're going to be here tomorrow. 18 00:02:38,425 --> 00:02:39,992 - I know. 19 00:02:39,994 --> 00:02:42,928 - I can introduce you to all my friends finally. 20 00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:45,731 - I can introduce you to my friend. 21 00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:46,733 - Hi. 22 00:02:49,637 --> 00:02:51,937 - Hi, Kaylee. - Hi. 23 00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:53,138 - How are you? 24 00:02:53,140 --> 00:02:54,439 - Good. 25 00:02:54,441 --> 00:02:57,209 - You are so cute, I can't even stand it. 26 00:02:57,211 --> 00:02:59,011 - It's past her bedtime. 27 00:02:59,013 --> 00:03:00,145 Do you want to say goodnight? 28 00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:02,848 - Goodnight. - Goodnight, Kaylee. 29 00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:05,684 - All right, wanna take Gillian, and go brush all your guys' teeth. 30 00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:06,985 God bless you. 31 00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:08,520 - Gesundheit. 32 00:03:09,456 --> 00:03:11,456 - I'll be in tuck you in just a sec, okay. 33 00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:17,863 - I'm so excited to see you. 34 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:21,233 - I know, it'll be good to see you, too. 35 00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:25,904 I better hit the hay as well. 36 00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:28,640 - Yeah, um... 37 00:03:33,981 --> 00:03:37,950 Uh... so I know that we discussed this, 38 00:03:37,952 --> 00:03:39,785 and I know that you're trying to figure it all out, 39 00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:42,921 but I just want to say that... 40 00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:44,790 you know, she's more than welcome 41 00:03:44,792 --> 00:03:47,826 to come up with you next time you come up, 42 00:03:47,828 --> 00:03:49,361 if that's okay. 43 00:03:51,031 --> 00:03:54,299 - Yeah, no, I'll think about that. 44 00:03:54,301 --> 00:03:56,335 - Okay, great. 45 00:03:57,538 --> 00:04:00,138 - Well, goodnight, I'll see you soon. 46 00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:01,640 - Yeah, goodnight. 47 00:04:06,714 --> 00:04:09,181 I love you, I love you, Chris. 48 00:04:09,183 --> 00:04:12,251 Just... I love you. 49 00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:17,289 Why can't I just say that like a normal person? 50 00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:20,225 - RJ? 51 00:04:20,227 --> 00:04:22,494 - Okay, yeah, hi. 52 00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:25,597 - Hi, no, I'm still here, did you want me to hang up? 53 00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:28,467 - Well, sure that'd be... - Or I can. 54 00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:30,202 Not that I want to hang up on you. 55 00:04:30,204 --> 00:04:32,371 - No, I know. - Okay. 56 00:04:32,373 --> 00:04:36,008 - Alright, goodnight. - Yep, goodnight. 57 00:04:36,010 --> 00:04:37,442 - Bye. 58 00:05:28,896 --> 00:05:30,429 Hey. 59 00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:38,236 - Thanks for coming to get me. 60 00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:40,505 - You look good. 61 00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:43,008 - Thank you. - I think I lost a little weight. 62 00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:44,543 - It looks good. 63 00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:45,911 - Thanks. 64 00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:06,498 I'm really happy you're here. 65 00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:10,936 I didn't think you'd ever speak to me again after the... 66 00:06:10,938 --> 00:06:14,072 - I said I forgive you, and I meant it. 67 00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:16,441 I just think people were legitimately confused 68 00:06:16,443 --> 00:06:18,977 why two men were kissing at my parents' anniversary party. 69 00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:20,078 - I was trying to make a statement. 70 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:22,481 - Well, mission accomplished. 71 00:06:25,619 --> 00:06:28,019 - You know I'm excited for you to meet Adina and Sheris. 72 00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:29,721 - Yeah, they sound great. 73 00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:31,356 - Any my friend Ryan. 74 00:06:31,358 --> 00:06:33,125 - Oh he is the returning missionary 75 00:06:33,127 --> 00:06:34,726 you were telling me about? 76 00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:39,131 Great. 77 00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:01,887 - Yeah, I'll be there. 78 00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:05,857 Okay, give her my love, please. 79 00:07:07,327 --> 00:07:09,895 Alright, thank you. 80 00:07:09,897 --> 00:07:11,696 Okay, bye. 81 00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:15,200 Sometimes it feels like I'm still married. 82 00:07:18,005 --> 00:07:19,538 Thanks. 83 00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:33,318 - You hungry? 84 00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:35,387 - I could eat. 85 00:08:07,454 --> 00:08:09,287 - Am I that hard to be around? 86 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:14,726 - No. 87 00:08:14,727 --> 00:08:16,293 - So how is life after pharmaceutical sales? 88 00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:18,330 - Well, I haven't heard back from any of the schools 89 00:08:18,332 --> 00:08:19,598 that I've applied to. 90 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:22,033 I've got my heart set on sticking close to home. 91 00:08:24,771 --> 00:08:26,872 What about you, how's work? 92 00:08:26,874 --> 00:08:28,573 - Work's going well. 93 00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:33,645 I haven't written anything original in a while. 94 00:08:45,993 --> 00:08:47,659 - I forgot to tell you my sister read 95 00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:49,394 one of your books. 96 00:08:49,396 --> 00:08:50,762 - Oh, which one? 97 00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:53,365 - The really dirty one. 98 00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:55,867 - Yeah, tell her I'm sorry. 99 00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,069 - It's just that she knew you were talking about me, 100 00:08:58,071 --> 00:08:59,504 and it was like... 101 00:08:59,506 --> 00:09:01,072 - I know that's why I'm apologizing. 102 00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:03,341 How is Chelsea? 103 00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:06,645 - She's good, it's Greg that I don't talk to, 104 00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:09,414 but you already knew that. 105 00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:11,850 - Do they know that you're here with me right now? 106 00:09:11,852 --> 00:09:13,785 - My Mom does. 107 00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:17,389 My Dad, he's... 108 00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:22,527 - Let's loosen up. 109 00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:23,762 - Okay. 110 00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:32,938 - No, I don't drink. 111 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,974 - Come on, you have no where else to be. 112 00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:44,316 How often do I get to see you? 113 00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:48,153 - Alright, I'll do one. 114 00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:05,904 - Another one? 115 00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:08,907 - You know you can't get me drunk. - I just got here. 116 00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:11,710 - I'm not trying to get you drunk, it's just happening. 117 00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:52,584 - Why does it take us so long to get comfortable? 118 00:10:52,586 --> 00:10:53,918 - I don't know. 119 00:10:54,955 --> 00:11:00,692 I feel like I still get... nervous around you. 120 00:11:00,694 --> 00:11:02,327 - Yeah, I get nervous, too. 121 00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:03,895 - After all this time. 122 00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:08,233 - Yeah, we're just two fluttering hearts. 123 00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:56,448 - I missed you. - I missed you. 124 00:12:04,991 --> 00:12:06,624 - You know, I think I can do 125 00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:08,393 this whole Northwest thing. 126 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,197 - What? You are doing it. 127 00:12:12,199 --> 00:12:13,398 - What? 128 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:16,601 - You're hanging out with gay, bearded men, 129 00:12:16,603 --> 00:12:18,069 and you're drinking beer. 130 00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:22,207 - And what about the Salt Lake City thing? 131 00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:23,541 - What about it? 132 00:12:24,578 --> 00:12:26,745 - Could you do it? 133 00:12:26,747 --> 00:12:29,547 - I think you could barely do it. 134 00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:33,551 - Well, maybe you won't have to. 135 00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:41,960 - Okay. 136 00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:43,595 - Where are you going? 137 00:12:43,597 --> 00:12:46,064 - I am headed back to your house to get some more beer. 138 00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:47,132 - I thought you said you weren't drinking. 139 00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:50,668 - You, sir, have opened the flood gates. 140 00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:52,670 I'm past the point of no return. 141 00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:54,773 - You can't just say that and then walk away. 142 00:12:54,775 --> 00:12:56,274 - Too late. 143 00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:57,542 - Come on, ugh. 144 00:13:08,421 --> 00:13:09,888 You'll be okay. 145 00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:16,060 - I think it's... - It's a little dry. 146 00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:19,264 We'll be okay. 147 00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:21,299 - I'm good. 148 00:13:29,943 --> 00:13:33,044 - Hey did you... - sleep with anybody else 149 00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:34,813 since I saw you last? 150 00:13:35,882 --> 00:13:38,783 - I had sex with Paul after Salt Lake. 151 00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:40,285 - I knew about that. 152 00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:42,854 I saw you after that. 153 00:13:42,856 --> 00:13:45,857 - Yeah, I just didn't know if I'd ever see you again. 154 00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:47,859 - Don't worry about it. 155 00:13:51,765 --> 00:13:53,832 Was there anybody else? 156 00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:59,404 - Um, like a night here, and a night there, but nothing real. 157 00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:08,646 - Yeah, I had to break a couple bad habits myself. 158 00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:10,448 - What makes them bad? 159 00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:14,953 - Just, oing places, and... 160 00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:22,060 meeting people. 161 00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:34,272 What do you think about that? 162 00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:39,344 - I think that we shouldn't feel like we're bad people 163 00:14:39,346 --> 00:14:40,745 all the time. 164 00:14:41,882 --> 00:14:45,817 It's okay to have sex, you know, we're supposed to cum. 165 00:14:45,819 --> 00:14:48,186 We're supposed to cum. 166 00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:52,090 We are animals, it's okay. 167 00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,426 We're okay. 168 00:14:56,997 --> 00:15:01,199 - You're not, you're not going to judge me? 169 00:15:01,201 --> 00:15:02,600 - No. 170 00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:06,871 - I just wanted to get it all out in the open. 171 00:15:06,873 --> 00:15:09,741 - Yeah, it's fine. 172 00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:15,713 We can get everything out in the open. 173 00:15:15,715 --> 00:15:21,286 Every last thing we can get out in the open. 174 00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:30,161 Three, two... one. 175 00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:40,631 - Hey. 176 00:16:46,906 --> 00:16:48,072 Good morning. 177 00:16:51,644 --> 00:16:53,745 Do you want some coffee? 178 00:16:53,747 --> 00:16:55,513 - I am a Mormon, sir. 179 00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:58,783 - So now you're a Mormon? 180 00:16:58,785 --> 00:16:59,785 - Amen. 181 00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:09,560 - Get up, get up. 182 00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:13,731 Get up. 183 00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:20,705 - Oh. 184 00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:21,939 - What? 185 00:17:21,941 --> 00:17:23,041 - My breath. 186 00:17:24,444 --> 00:17:25,510 - I don't mind, come on. 187 00:17:25,512 --> 00:17:27,145 - I do. 188 00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:30,314 - Come on, go. 189 00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:41,526 I wasn't ready for that. 190 00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:43,761 - Then why did you tell me to do it? 191 00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:46,898 - I'm just kidding. 192 00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:56,107 I'll go make us some breakfast. 193 00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:22,133 Hey, how do you want your eggs cooked? 194 00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:33,778 - Everything's so bright. 195 00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:36,848 - It's called day. 196 00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:41,786 - Thank you for breakfast. 197 00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:43,221 - You're welcome. 198 00:18:47,494 --> 00:18:49,694 - Where does your head hurt, there? 199 00:18:49,696 --> 00:18:51,362 - Right here. Oh. 200 00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:59,770 - Well, you gotta drink more water. 201 00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:01,272 Keep going. 202 00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:08,246 Here, I'm going to get you some more. 203 00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:10,281 - Thank you. - Mm-hmm. 204 00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:57,695 - "New IDS guidelines say children of same-sex couples... 205 00:19:57,697 --> 00:20:00,698 will not be baptized in the Church." 206 00:20:09,442 --> 00:20:10,708 I know you want to discuss this, 207 00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:12,109 but if you'll just give me a moment 208 00:20:12,111 --> 00:20:14,191 - to read the whole article. - They're joking, right? 209 00:20:18,785 --> 00:20:23,054 It says they're doing this for their own protection, 210 00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:25,823 that children from gay marriages can't be treated 211 00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:27,458 like everyone else. 212 00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:34,098 Punishing children for the sins of their own fathers. 213 00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:36,701 We don't even believe in that. 214 00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:42,406 You can interpret this any way you want, 215 00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:43,641 but I am done. 216 00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:47,445 - I don't think you mean that. 217 00:20:53,453 --> 00:20:54,752 - That's Adina. 218 00:20:55,355 --> 00:20:58,889 - Hello, hi! 219 00:20:58,891 --> 00:21:00,925 - Hi. - Hi! 220 00:21:02,328 --> 00:21:05,429 I'm Adina, I've heard so much about you. 221 00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:06,697 - I'm Chris. 222 00:21:06,699 --> 00:21:08,633 - Yeah, I know. 223 00:21:09,736 --> 00:21:11,235 - Nice to meet you. 224 00:21:11,237 --> 00:21:14,372 - Yeah, what's this? 225 00:21:14,374 --> 00:21:15,439 - What? 226 00:21:16,342 --> 00:21:17,575 - The love of your life is finally here, 227 00:21:17,577 --> 00:21:19,010 and you make him this? 228 00:21:19,012 --> 00:21:21,045 - Well, it's all I had. 229 00:21:28,421 --> 00:21:30,187 - Where's Sheris? 230 00:21:30,189 --> 00:21:31,922 - Not sure. 231 00:21:31,924 --> 00:21:33,691 - Is everything okay? 232 00:21:33,693 --> 00:21:37,061 - No, but I'll be fine. 233 00:21:43,236 --> 00:21:44,802 Come on. 234 00:21:44,804 --> 00:21:46,270 - What? 235 00:21:46,272 --> 00:21:48,039 - I'm a lip kisser, come on. 236 00:21:48,041 --> 00:21:49,273 - Oh? 237 00:21:51,277 --> 00:21:55,413 - What, you were married to a woman once, you'll be fine. 238 00:22:01,220 --> 00:22:03,020 - He has soft lips. 239 00:22:11,698 --> 00:22:12,963 Back and forth? 240 00:22:12,965 --> 00:22:14,332 Back and forth? 241 00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:16,033 Yeah, you know it's like... 242 00:22:16,035 --> 00:22:17,234 - No, that's up and down. 243 00:22:17,236 --> 00:22:18,436 - Together. 244 00:22:18,438 --> 00:22:20,037 - I assume that people poop up and down. 245 00:22:20,039 --> 00:22:22,406 - Okay, moving on, having anuses for eyes. 246 00:22:22,408 --> 00:22:24,942 - Hey. Hey. - Hey. 247 00:22:25,478 --> 00:22:27,745 - Hey, girl. - Hi. 248 00:22:27,747 --> 00:22:29,313 - Hey. Ryan. - Chris. 249 00:22:29,315 --> 00:22:31,248 - Oh, it's great to finally meet you. 250 00:22:31,250 --> 00:22:32,383 - Thank you. - Nice to meet you. 251 00:22:32,385 --> 00:22:33,651 - Hey. 252 00:22:33,653 --> 00:22:35,186 - Ryan. - Anya. 253 00:22:35,188 --> 00:22:36,987 - Steve. Nice to meet you. 254 00:22:36,989 --> 00:22:38,856 - Hey. - Hey, buddy. 255 00:22:40,393 --> 00:22:42,259 - Oh, you guys started without me? 256 00:22:42,261 --> 00:22:43,728 - Yeah, we had some really great ones, 257 00:22:43,730 --> 00:22:44,774 but you can still deal yourself in though. 258 00:22:44,786 --> 00:22:45,396 But you gotta catch up. 259 00:22:45,398 --> 00:22:47,498 - Yeah take seven and pick two. 260 00:22:48,334 --> 00:22:50,201 - Chris, how long are you in town for? 261 00:22:50,203 --> 00:22:51,602 - Oh just through tomorrow. 262 00:22:51,604 --> 00:22:53,337 - You have work or? 263 00:22:53,339 --> 00:22:54,705 - I have a six-year-old daughter. 264 00:22:54,707 --> 00:22:56,607 - Oh! - Really? 265 00:22:57,543 --> 00:22:59,176 - And what do you do Ryan? 266 00:22:59,178 --> 00:23:00,444 - Oh, I'm a masseur. 267 00:23:00,446 --> 00:23:02,813 - How long have you been doing that? 268 00:23:02,815 --> 00:23:05,783 - Oh, I actually just graduated, so I'm just starting out. 269 00:23:05,785 --> 00:23:08,919 Actually RJ is my only client. 270 00:23:08,921 --> 00:23:10,221 - You're only client? 271 00:23:10,223 --> 00:23:11,756 - Yeah, I'm hoping it'll take off. 272 00:23:11,758 --> 00:23:14,725 It's mostly word of mouth, but he's giving me lots 273 00:23:14,727 --> 00:23:16,327 of practice. 274 00:23:17,263 --> 00:23:20,598 We all know how tense he gets, right. 275 00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:23,601 - Wow, maybe like a website or business cards. 276 00:23:23,603 --> 00:23:26,904 - Yeah, you know, I gotta handle that side as well. 277 00:23:26,906 --> 00:23:29,907 I'm feeling it out, literally. 278 00:23:31,878 --> 00:23:33,911 - Good card. - It's so accurate, too. 279 00:23:33,913 --> 00:23:35,813 - Your turn. - Oh, sure, okay. 280 00:23:35,815 --> 00:23:38,082 - Lifetime presents, A Sad Handjob: The Story 281 00:23:38,084 --> 00:23:40,951 of a Homoerotic Volleyball Montage. 282 00:23:41,888 --> 00:23:43,154 - I'd watch that. 283 00:23:46,692 --> 00:23:49,794 - I can't believe I'm smoking pot with you, Chris. 284 00:23:49,796 --> 00:23:51,829 Your dad's a member of the Quorum. 285 00:23:51,831 --> 00:23:53,431 - Yes he is. 286 00:23:53,433 --> 00:23:55,866 - Yeah, that's a tough one for us right now. 287 00:23:55,868 --> 00:24:00,137 - Yeah, I heard... - but to be expected. 288 00:24:03,075 --> 00:24:05,075 - So where did you serve your mission, Ryan? 289 00:24:05,077 --> 00:24:08,179 - I spent my mission in Mexico City 290 00:24:10,683 --> 00:24:15,519 It was beautiful... and so was my companion. 291 00:24:20,092 --> 00:24:22,126 For a year straight... 292 00:24:22,995 --> 00:24:26,831 he would always change in front of me... 293 00:24:26,833 --> 00:24:31,135 totally innocent, but he knew what he was doing. 294 00:24:33,573 --> 00:24:35,973 And then one night, we were on a bus 295 00:24:35,975 --> 00:24:40,411 heading back to our district, and I fell asleep on his shoulder. 296 00:24:40,413 --> 00:24:43,781 While I was sleeping, he had taken my hand, 297 00:24:43,783 --> 00:24:47,084 and he was holding it in a patriarchal grip. 298 00:24:47,086 --> 00:24:51,522 I woke up... like this... 299 00:24:51,524 --> 00:24:54,692 and I looked up into his eyes, and... 300 00:24:54,694 --> 00:24:59,730 I saw a lust and love and longing... 301 00:25:02,301 --> 00:25:07,571 but I also saw this deep sadness... 302 00:25:10,276 --> 00:25:12,877 because we both knew 303 00:25:12,879 --> 00:25:16,914 we could never be together... 304 00:25:16,916 --> 00:25:22,019 and it would just be this moment in the back of a bus. 305 00:25:24,190 --> 00:25:27,791 We got sent home shortly after. 306 00:25:29,562 --> 00:25:31,695 I haven't seen him since. 307 00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:45,609 But seeing you guys together after so long... 308 00:25:45,611 --> 00:25:47,077 it gives me hope. 309 00:25:50,349 --> 00:25:51,749 I'm going to go. 310 00:25:52,518 --> 00:25:54,018 - Really? 311 00:25:54,020 --> 00:25:58,188 - Yeah... - It was nice to meet you. 312 00:25:58,190 --> 00:25:59,557 - Yeah, you too. 313 00:26:00,192 --> 00:26:01,859 - Are you okay? 314 00:26:01,861 --> 00:26:03,594 - Not really. 315 00:26:04,397 --> 00:26:05,996 - Hey, hey, hey... 316 00:26:12,838 --> 00:26:14,171 Love you. 317 00:26:15,107 --> 00:26:16,507 - Love you, too. 318 00:26:26,986 --> 00:26:28,752 - Where did you guys meet? 319 00:26:28,754 --> 00:26:30,621 - Um, we met at Affirmations. 320 00:26:30,623 --> 00:26:32,615 It's like a support group for recovering Mormons. 321 00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:33,715 - Yeah, I know what it is. 322 00:26:35,628 --> 00:26:38,329 - Yeah, his parents kicked him out of the house. 323 00:26:38,331 --> 00:26:39,763 - Wow. 324 00:26:41,267 --> 00:26:43,334 - I don't know, I feel bad for him. 325 00:26:44,670 --> 00:26:47,137 He's out here without no family or friends. 326 00:26:49,375 --> 00:26:50,407 - Wow. 327 00:26:53,112 --> 00:26:54,278 - You okay? 328 00:26:55,414 --> 00:26:56,680 - Yeah. 329 00:27:00,019 --> 00:27:01,352 - You coming? 330 00:27:01,354 --> 00:27:02,419 - Yeah. 331 00:27:08,961 --> 00:27:11,261 - Oops, sorry. - It's okay. 332 00:27:25,611 --> 00:27:27,611 - Have you and Ryan ever...? 333 00:27:31,083 --> 00:27:32,216 - No. 334 00:27:41,627 --> 00:27:43,360 - He sure loves you. 335 00:27:51,337 --> 00:27:52,770 - Do you love me? 336 00:30:39,205 --> 00:30:40,370 - Do you want some water? 337 00:30:40,372 --> 00:30:41,839 What are those? 338 00:30:41,841 --> 00:30:45,042 - Oh, I have pressure points in my back. 339 00:30:45,044 --> 00:30:46,844 - What's wrong with your back? 340 00:30:46,846 --> 00:30:51,148 - Just all those years of carrying around a heavy suitcase. 341 00:30:54,687 --> 00:30:55,986 - Thank you. 342 00:30:55,988 --> 00:30:57,287 - Yeah. 343 00:31:06,265 --> 00:31:08,098 - Whoa, it got chilly. 344 00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:24,181 Can I ask you something? 345 00:31:24,183 --> 00:31:25,215 - Sure. 346 00:31:26,418 --> 00:31:29,786 - Would you consider going to a sacrament meeting with me? 347 00:31:32,524 --> 00:31:36,593 - Chris, I just don't know what the point is. 348 00:31:36,595 --> 00:31:38,328 - I don't think it's coincidence that you live 349 00:31:38,330 --> 00:31:40,664 only a few blocks away from the war. 350 00:31:40,666 --> 00:31:43,367 It's not too late to come back. 351 00:31:43,369 --> 00:31:45,235 - Where do you think I've gone? 352 00:31:45,237 --> 00:31:48,372 - Not far, unless all of that stuff in your living room 353 00:31:48,374 --> 00:31:49,740 is just for show. 354 00:31:49,742 --> 00:31:51,942 - I'm still trying to figure out what they're trying 355 00:31:51,944 --> 00:31:54,411 to say with this announcement. 356 00:31:57,383 --> 00:32:01,518 By the way... did you know? 357 00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:02,520 - What? 358 00:32:03,522 --> 00:32:05,822 - About the policy, did you know before they made 359 00:32:05,824 --> 00:32:07,157 the announcement? 360 00:32:07,159 --> 00:32:09,860 - No... You honestly think that I knew about that. 361 00:32:09,862 --> 00:32:14,698 - I don't know, I just... I don't know, I thought that if you did, 362 00:32:14,700 --> 00:32:17,701 maybe there was something you could've done about it. 363 00:32:17,703 --> 00:32:19,803 - I don't know. - Like what? 364 00:32:20,572 --> 00:32:22,439 - Talk to your father. 365 00:32:22,441 --> 00:32:25,309 - What possible good would that do? 366 00:32:29,882 --> 00:32:32,683 - I don't know, he's like an inside voice. 367 00:32:32,685 --> 00:32:35,719 One of the twelve apostles has a gay son. 368 00:32:35,721 --> 00:32:37,054 I mean if that's not a prophecy, 369 00:32:37,056 --> 00:32:41,058 then I don't know what is. 370 00:32:45,331 --> 00:32:47,597 Do you ever think about it? 371 00:32:48,968 --> 00:32:51,368 What it would be like? 372 00:32:51,370 --> 00:32:52,336 - What? 373 00:32:52,338 --> 00:32:54,838 - I think about it all the time... 374 00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:58,675 with you, getting married... 375 00:33:02,047 --> 00:33:06,984 in the Church with the Sealer above us, 376 00:33:06,986 --> 00:33:09,453 my parents and your parents. 377 00:33:11,924 --> 00:33:17,594 I do... but it's not going to happen. 378 00:33:18,497 --> 00:33:20,097 Not like that. 379 00:33:22,067 --> 00:33:24,434 You know what the Church does? 380 00:33:24,436 --> 00:33:27,104 They convince me more and more that maybe Joseph Smith 381 00:33:27,106 --> 00:33:28,939 really did make it all up. 382 00:33:28,941 --> 00:33:30,540 - Don't do that. 383 00:33:30,542 --> 00:33:32,609 - How can you be a part of something that alienates 384 00:33:32,611 --> 00:33:35,679 parents from their children? 385 00:33:35,681 --> 00:33:38,215 Don't you understand what this means for you? 386 00:33:38,217 --> 00:33:40,283 - I've stuck with the Church through all of its 387 00:33:40,285 --> 00:33:42,886 flaws and idiosyncrasies, just like I've stuck with you 388 00:33:42,888 --> 00:33:44,755 through all of these years. 389 00:33:44,757 --> 00:33:46,723 - What are you talking about? 390 00:33:46,725 --> 00:33:48,825 I'm done with it, I've had my fill. 391 00:33:48,827 --> 00:33:51,328 - No, you gave up, that's different. 392 00:33:51,330 --> 00:33:53,130 - And you don't have the courage to leave. 393 00:33:53,132 --> 00:33:54,865 - I don't want to leave. 394 00:33:54,867 --> 00:33:58,235 - How are you okay with the way the treat you, 395 00:33:58,237 --> 00:34:01,571 or the way they treat your family or your daughter? 396 00:34:01,573 --> 00:34:03,407 As a father, how do you accept that? 397 00:34:03,409 --> 00:34:05,842 - Everything I do is for her. 398 00:34:06,912 --> 00:34:09,112 You can question my beliefs as a man of the faith, 399 00:34:09,114 --> 00:34:12,549 but don't you ever question my devotion to my daughter. 400 00:34:12,551 --> 00:34:13,950 - I'm sorry. 401 00:34:17,423 --> 00:34:19,456 I'm sorry. 402 00:34:22,861 --> 00:34:24,861 - What am I doing here? 403 00:34:26,598 --> 00:34:28,498 What am I doing? 404 00:34:32,137 --> 00:34:34,738 I just feel obligated to you, you know. 405 00:34:34,740 --> 00:34:37,941 I just keep coming back and coming back 406 00:34:37,943 --> 00:34:40,377 because it's all that I know. 407 00:34:41,213 --> 00:34:42,612 - Wow. 408 00:34:58,130 --> 00:34:59,362 - Ricky? 409 00:35:01,867 --> 00:35:05,836 - Hey... are you alright? 410 00:35:05,838 --> 00:35:07,237 Hey. 411 00:35:07,239 --> 00:35:08,939 What's wrong? 412 00:35:09,575 --> 00:35:10,841 Are you alright? 413 00:35:11,777 --> 00:35:13,743 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy, easy, 414 00:35:13,745 --> 00:35:15,212 Okay. 415 00:35:15,214 --> 00:35:21,051 What's wrong? Hey, look at me... I'm right here. 416 00:35:22,588 --> 00:35:26,823 Breathe... Are you alright? 417 00:35:26,825 --> 00:35:28,959 - I get these sometimes. 418 00:35:29,595 --> 00:35:33,964 - Hey, hey... Alright, 419 00:35:34,900 --> 00:35:36,933 Alright. 420 00:36:13,705 --> 00:36:15,238 Back to real life. 421 00:36:16,875 --> 00:36:18,575 - This is real life. 422 00:36:22,781 --> 00:36:26,183 I'm sorry we keep fucking things up. 423 00:36:26,185 --> 00:36:28,585 - You don't have to be sorry. 424 00:36:40,899 --> 00:36:42,032 - Okay. 425 00:38:55,767 --> 00:38:57,267 - Thanks. 426 00:39:53,825 --> 00:39:55,592 - Call Chris. 427 00:39:58,096 --> 00:40:00,930 - Say the list number of the one you... 428 00:40:00,932 --> 00:40:03,099 Calling the mobile number for Chris. 429 00:40:16,581 --> 00:40:17,714 - Hello. 430 00:40:17,716 --> 00:40:22,886 - Chris, Chris, I just heard. 431 00:40:22,888 --> 00:40:24,954 I'm so sorry. 432 00:40:25,791 --> 00:40:27,257 Is there anything I can I do? 433 00:40:29,294 --> 00:40:32,284 Would you consider coming to Salt Lake? 434 00:40:32,296 --> 00:40:33,296 Yeah. 435 00:40:34,633 --> 00:40:36,633 - I can make all the arrangements. 436 00:40:36,635 --> 00:40:38,935 - No, don't worry about it. - I'll get there. 437 00:40:41,072 --> 00:40:42,906 - The service is tomorrow. 438 00:40:42,908 --> 00:40:44,174 - Yeah, that's fine. 439 00:40:45,343 --> 00:40:48,244 - Okay, I'll send you all the details. 440 00:40:48,246 --> 00:40:49,712 I'll see you soon. 441 00:40:49,714 --> 00:40:51,314 - Are you okay? 442 00:40:57,289 --> 00:40:59,989 - It'll just be good to have you here. 443 00:40:59,991 --> 00:41:02,425 - Yeah, I want to be there with you. 444 00:41:04,095 --> 00:41:05,428 - I'll see you soon, RJ. 445 00:41:05,430 --> 00:41:08,298 - Okay, I love you. 446 00:41:13,538 --> 00:41:18,141 - Elder Merrill's gonna pitch a fit when he sees you. 447 00:41:18,143 --> 00:41:21,544 I think I'd like to be there with you. 448 00:41:21,546 --> 00:41:23,580 - Uh... 449 00:41:24,516 --> 00:41:27,150 - I just-I think I should do it alone. 450 00:41:28,253 --> 00:41:33,056 - Look, son, I never told you this, but... 451 00:41:34,326 --> 00:41:37,494 I had a conversation with him. 452 00:41:37,496 --> 00:41:38,928 - Wait, when? 453 00:41:40,298 --> 00:41:44,667 - We talked when you were in Salt Lake City with Chris. 454 00:41:46,538 --> 00:41:49,272 I was a bit direct. 455 00:41:50,509 --> 00:41:52,075 - How so? 456 00:41:53,044 --> 00:41:54,744 - Doesn't matter now. 457 00:41:54,746 --> 00:41:57,146 Back then I had my reasons. 458 00:41:58,650 --> 00:42:02,919 - Um... okay. 459 00:42:04,656 --> 00:42:06,689 What does Mom think? 460 00:42:07,592 --> 00:42:10,426 - She backs me up on this. 461 00:42:10,428 --> 00:42:12,762 - What about your foot? 462 00:42:12,764 --> 00:42:15,064 - It'll be fine, RJ. 463 00:42:17,802 --> 00:42:19,335 - Okay. 464 00:42:20,505 --> 00:42:23,540 - Alright, son, I'll see you in the morning in Salt Lake. 465 00:42:23,542 --> 00:42:25,341 - Yeah, I'll see you in the morning. 466 00:42:25,343 --> 00:42:27,143 - Alright, bye. - Bye. 467 00:42:33,552 --> 00:42:34,651 - Where are you headed today? 468 00:42:34,653 --> 00:42:35,718 - Uh, Utah. 469 00:42:37,322 --> 00:42:38,488 - Will you be checking any bags today? 470 00:42:38,490 --> 00:42:39,856 - No thanks. 471 00:42:41,793 --> 00:42:42,992 - There you go, sir, have a good flight. 472 00:42:42,994 --> 00:42:44,494 - Thank you. 473 00:44:11,850 --> 00:44:14,617 - Hi, thank you. 474 00:44:22,861 --> 00:44:24,260 Hey. 475 00:44:29,300 --> 00:44:32,568 Hi. Thank you for coming. 476 00:44:32,570 --> 00:44:35,304 Thank you. Thank you, guys. 477 00:44:48,953 --> 00:44:50,353 - Hi, Kaylee. 478 00:44:50,355 --> 00:44:51,721 - Hi. 479 00:44:51,723 --> 00:44:52,989 - You look really pretty. 480 00:44:52,991 --> 00:44:54,691 - Thank you. - I like your shoes. 481 00:44:54,693 --> 00:44:56,159 - Thank you. 482 00:44:56,161 --> 00:44:57,627 - She gets a little shy. 483 00:44:57,629 --> 00:44:58,995 - It's okay. 484 00:45:08,139 --> 00:45:09,405 - I'm glad you're here. 485 00:45:09,407 --> 00:45:10,773 - Me too. 486 00:45:14,946 --> 00:45:16,979 - Hey, shall I take her for a little why? 487 00:45:16,981 --> 00:45:19,671 Yeah absolutely, you wanna go with Grandma, honey? 488 00:45:19,683 --> 00:45:20,583 Yeah. 489 00:45:20,585 --> 00:45:22,985 I'll see you later, sweetie. 490 00:45:31,196 --> 00:45:32,295 You look good. 491 00:45:32,297 --> 00:45:34,330 - You too. - Thanks. 492 00:45:35,767 --> 00:45:38,201 - I'm sorry. - It's a very tough situation. 493 00:45:38,203 --> 00:45:41,270 - It's challenging, yeah. - Yeah. 494 00:45:41,272 --> 00:45:43,239 - Are you okay? 495 00:45:43,241 --> 00:45:45,908 - Yeah, he's walking over here. 496 00:45:46,978 --> 00:45:50,580 - It's gonna be fine. - I'm right here. 497 00:45:50,582 --> 00:45:52,749 - I think they're starting to recognize me. 498 00:45:52,751 --> 00:45:54,450 - They probably are. 499 00:45:56,187 --> 00:45:58,254 Hey, just don't kiss me. 500 00:46:00,792 --> 00:46:02,825 Sorry, that wasn't funny. 501 00:46:09,634 --> 00:46:12,552 - RJ. 502 00:46:12,553 --> 00:46:15,471 - Elder Merrill, I want you to know I'm very sorry for your loss. 503 00:46:15,473 --> 00:46:17,206 - I appreciate that. 504 00:46:18,176 --> 00:46:20,443 Chris didn't tell me that you were coming. 505 00:46:20,445 --> 00:46:22,178 - I invited him, Dad. 506 00:46:22,180 --> 00:46:26,382 - Elder Merrill, I'm Tom Smith, RJ's father. 507 00:46:26,384 --> 00:46:27,950 - Oh, right. 508 00:46:30,455 --> 00:46:33,055 - I can't begin to know what you're going through right now. 509 00:46:33,057 --> 00:46:37,360 Saying sorry isn't enough to express my sympathies. 510 00:46:39,664 --> 00:46:42,398 - Thank you, Brother Smith. 511 00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:45,434 - And you must be Chris, brother Smith. - Yes. 512 00:46:47,672 --> 00:46:50,907 I've heard so many great things about you. 513 00:46:52,343 --> 00:46:53,609 Welcome. 514 00:46:54,279 --> 00:46:55,511 What happened? 515 00:46:55,513 --> 00:46:57,180 - Oh, an accident at work. 516 00:46:58,049 --> 00:47:01,918 - Elder Smith, I thought that was you. 517 00:47:03,221 --> 00:47:04,487 How are you? 518 00:47:11,796 --> 00:47:13,529 - RJ, are you okay, son? 519 00:47:13,531 --> 00:47:15,131 - I'm sorry. 520 00:47:15,533 --> 00:47:16,899 - RJ? 521 00:47:19,938 --> 00:47:21,704 - Excuse me. 522 00:47:30,215 --> 00:47:32,582 Easy, hey, easy. 523 00:47:34,686 --> 00:47:36,185 - I'm so sorry. 524 00:47:36,187 --> 00:47:37,187 - It's okay. 525 00:47:37,789 --> 00:47:39,522 - That was so weird. - Yeah. 526 00:47:40,959 --> 00:47:43,893 - Our mission president... 527 00:47:43,895 --> 00:47:47,263 and the look that your father gave me, he hates me. 528 00:47:47,265 --> 00:47:50,266 - Okay. Okay. - He doesn't hate you. 529 00:47:50,268 --> 00:47:52,134 - I just wanted to be here for you. 530 00:47:52,136 --> 00:47:55,972 - You are, you're here. 531 00:47:55,974 --> 00:47:58,007 Rest. 532 00:47:59,644 --> 00:48:01,978 Easy, easy, easy. 533 00:48:03,548 --> 00:48:07,283 There we go, there we go, there we go. 534 00:48:13,524 --> 00:48:15,124 - They're gonna be alright. 535 00:48:15,126 --> 00:48:17,693 - Yeah, why don't you and RJ stick around, 536 00:48:17,695 --> 00:48:19,795 and we'll get some dinner? 537 00:48:19,797 --> 00:48:23,099 - Oh, Elder Merrill, I couldn't intrude on your mourning. 538 00:48:23,101 --> 00:48:24,166 - We need to have a talk. 539 00:48:24,168 --> 00:48:26,602 We need to have a candid conversation, 540 00:48:26,604 --> 00:48:28,337 and I would like you and RJ 541 00:48:28,339 --> 00:48:31,540 to join us for dinner tonight, alright? 542 00:48:31,542 --> 00:48:32,742 - Absolutely. 543 00:48:32,744 --> 00:48:34,243 - Good, thank you. 544 00:48:58,403 --> 00:49:00,569 - Welcome. - Thank you. 545 00:49:07,378 --> 00:49:10,179 So, I hear you're going to law school. 546 00:49:10,181 --> 00:49:11,714 - I'm still applying. 547 00:49:11,716 --> 00:49:13,182 - I bet your mother was proud. 548 00:49:13,184 --> 00:49:14,617 - Yeah, she was. 549 00:49:15,820 --> 00:49:19,822 As far as she was concerned, I was already practicing law. 550 00:49:19,824 --> 00:49:22,892 - My old mission companion became an attorney. 551 00:49:22,894 --> 00:49:26,796 I saw him and some of my other companions recently. 552 00:49:26,798 --> 00:49:32,234 We met up for a night, and life didn't skip a beat, 553 00:49:32,236 --> 00:49:34,270 let me tell you. 554 00:49:34,272 --> 00:49:37,073 We picked up right where we left off. 555 00:49:37,075 --> 00:49:40,309 We shared our blessings, and our tragedies, 556 00:49:40,311 --> 00:49:44,180 love and heartbreak. 557 00:49:46,951 --> 00:49:51,220 Some of them... I had no idea what they were going through 558 00:49:51,222 --> 00:49:52,822 back then. 559 00:49:55,760 --> 00:49:59,195 It's nice to have people in your life 560 00:49:59,197 --> 00:50:01,097 you can depend on. 561 00:50:03,935 --> 00:50:06,836 - I'm Greg, Chris's brother. 562 00:50:06,838 --> 00:50:09,372 - Thomas Smith, RJ's father. 563 00:50:09,374 --> 00:50:10,773 - It's good to see you again. 564 00:50:10,775 --> 00:50:12,274 - Thank you. 565 00:50:19,684 --> 00:50:22,451 Did you know my mother? 566 00:50:22,453 --> 00:50:25,755 - Okay, Greg, I know that you don't care much for me, 567 00:50:25,757 --> 00:50:27,456 so maybe we should... 568 00:50:27,458 --> 00:50:31,560 - I would like to sit here and mourn my mother 569 00:50:31,562 --> 00:50:34,730 without the shadow of my brother's past 570 00:50:34,732 --> 00:50:37,266 looming over this sacred moment. 571 00:50:40,038 --> 00:50:42,004 - I'm sorry. - May I have that? 572 00:50:42,006 --> 00:50:44,173 - You're really going to do this right now, Greg? 573 00:50:44,175 --> 00:50:48,077 - Our father asked me to be here, and here I am. 574 00:50:50,915 --> 00:50:52,214 Dad. 575 00:50:52,216 --> 00:50:56,986 - Boys, Brother Smith, RJ. 576 00:50:56,988 --> 00:50:58,454 - Elder Merrill. 577 00:50:58,456 --> 00:50:59,955 - Good to see you. 578 00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:08,731 - I didn't know what to get, so I got a variety of foods, pad Thai. 579 00:51:08,733 --> 00:51:10,800 - I hope Thai is good for everyone. 580 00:51:10,802 --> 00:51:14,537 We didn't have much left after the reception, so... 581 00:51:14,539 --> 00:51:17,706 Looks good, nice and hot. 582 00:51:17,708 --> 00:51:19,875 Brother Smith, would you like to pray for us? 583 00:51:19,877 --> 00:51:23,212 - Elder Merrill, I'd be honored if a member 584 00:51:23,214 --> 00:51:25,381 of the Quorum would say a blessing. 585 00:51:25,383 --> 00:51:29,185 - Okay, call me Noah, alright? 586 00:51:29,187 --> 00:51:31,253 - Let's pray. 587 00:51:34,325 --> 00:51:37,693 Our Heavenly Father, thank you for bringing 588 00:51:37,695 --> 00:51:41,530 Tom and RJ safely to us today and as our families 589 00:51:41,532 --> 00:51:43,966 come together, please help us guide our conversation, 590 00:51:43,968 --> 00:51:47,870 help us discover what is best for everyone, 591 00:51:47,872 --> 00:51:50,005 in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. 592 00:51:50,007 --> 00:51:51,540 - Amen. 593 00:52:07,258 --> 00:52:09,892 - Brother Smith and RJ, thank you both 594 00:52:09,894 --> 00:52:14,230 for being here today, it was very gracious of you to come. 595 00:52:17,401 --> 00:52:22,505 I have to make clear right now and bear testimony 596 00:52:22,507 --> 00:52:25,374 to each of you that... 597 00:52:27,211 --> 00:52:29,478 sexual relations 598 00:52:29,480 --> 00:52:33,349 between two of the same sex is wrong. 599 00:52:33,351 --> 00:52:37,319 By doing so, our children become apostates, 600 00:52:37,321 --> 00:52:40,990 and should be culled from the kingdom. 601 00:52:40,992 --> 00:52:44,393 Now the rest of the world may be taking a different path, 602 00:52:44,395 --> 00:52:48,097 but we remain faithful to the Gospel. 603 00:52:48,099 --> 00:52:50,966 - You've made some pretty bold assumptions, Dad. 604 00:52:50,968 --> 00:52:53,602 - I've seen it with my own eyes, Chris. 605 00:52:53,604 --> 00:52:55,037 I've read his book. 606 00:52:56,307 --> 00:52:57,806 - There's a book? 607 00:52:57,808 --> 00:53:01,243 - It's a detailed account of their mission together. 608 00:53:01,245 --> 00:53:04,013 And you, how do you feel about this, having your 609 00:53:04,015 --> 00:53:06,882 adventures out there in print for everyone to see? 610 00:53:06,884 --> 00:53:08,617 - I wouldn't want them in print. 611 00:53:08,619 --> 00:53:11,554 - Well, no one would read a book about you, Greg. 612 00:53:12,657 --> 00:53:14,390 - Did you read the whole thing? 613 00:53:14,392 --> 00:53:17,459 - I read as much as I could. 614 00:53:17,461 --> 00:53:19,495 - What about the part when they helped the veteran 615 00:53:19,497 --> 00:53:24,366 with PTSD make his peace with heavenly Father and himself. 616 00:53:24,368 --> 00:53:26,035 Did you read that? 617 00:53:27,838 --> 00:53:30,539 - Your son and I fell in love. 618 00:53:32,276 --> 00:53:36,345 We did things that people do when they love each other. 619 00:53:38,149 --> 00:53:41,016 - Faith isn't a Kinsey scale. 620 00:53:41,018 --> 00:53:42,918 You're either a man of faith, or you're not. 621 00:53:42,920 --> 00:53:47,189 - Elder Merrill, I can assure you, RJ... - Dad. 622 00:53:47,191 --> 00:53:49,658 Like it or not, I'm in your life. 623 00:53:52,129 --> 00:53:56,198 A man of God or not, I feel the loss of this woman tonight, 624 00:53:56,200 --> 00:53:58,267 and I feel it through him. 625 00:53:59,670 --> 00:54:04,039 And he's a man that I love and whose family I love. 626 00:54:10,648 --> 00:54:13,015 - My mother would've loved you. 627 00:54:14,986 --> 00:54:16,285 Just like I do. 628 00:54:28,899 --> 00:54:32,268 - So what's this going to look like? 629 00:54:32,270 --> 00:54:34,570 - What's what going to look like? 630 00:54:34,572 --> 00:54:35,938 - This. 631 00:54:36,307 --> 00:54:37,773 - What? 632 00:54:37,775 --> 00:54:40,409 You two, with him in Seattle? 633 00:54:40,411 --> 00:54:42,611 - Well, RJ moved to Portland, Dad. 634 00:54:42,613 --> 00:54:44,680 - Well, that's the same thing. 635 00:54:44,682 --> 00:54:46,148 Kaylee's in Salt Lake City. 636 00:54:49,920 --> 00:54:52,755 - RJ and I aren't together right now. 637 00:54:53,991 --> 00:54:56,625 - Wait a minute, I thought that you guys were... 638 00:54:57,862 --> 00:54:58,862 ya know. 639 00:54:59,997 --> 00:55:03,565 - Yeah why not? I just heard you say that you love him. 640 00:55:17,014 --> 00:55:20,449 Do you mind if I ask what the problem is? 641 00:55:23,254 --> 00:55:30,025 - The Church... and where we fit inside of it all. 642 00:55:30,027 --> 00:55:31,360 We don't know. 643 00:55:36,133 --> 00:55:37,533 - I see. 644 00:55:47,812 --> 00:55:49,778 Thanks. 645 00:55:49,780 --> 00:55:52,715 RJ, thank you for being here for Chris. 646 00:55:52,717 --> 00:55:54,483 - Mm-hmm. 647 00:56:06,697 --> 00:56:08,664 - Thank you for coming. 648 00:56:34,325 --> 00:56:38,761 - Son, give me a hand. - Thanks. 649 00:56:43,601 --> 00:56:49,905 You know, RJ, I get it... about Chris. I mean. 650 00:56:52,076 --> 00:56:55,411 Your mother and I want the best for you, and... 651 00:56:57,081 --> 00:56:59,782 I can't think of anyone better for you than him. 652 00:57:05,356 --> 00:57:10,659 I want you to know... I'm proud of you, son. 653 00:57:12,096 --> 00:57:14,296 - For what? 654 00:57:14,298 --> 00:57:17,866 - For... - being a good human being... 655 00:57:21,772 --> 00:57:27,443 and for having the fortitude to... follow your heart. 656 00:57:31,582 --> 00:57:35,350 I knew someone in your situation once. 657 00:57:39,323 --> 00:57:43,292 He wasn't nearly as courageous as you and Chris. 658 00:57:44,895 --> 00:57:47,296 - Yeah, I think I remember you talking about him. 659 00:57:50,401 --> 00:57:53,035 Do you know what happened to him? 660 00:57:57,541 --> 00:57:59,041 Is he okay? 661 00:58:06,984 --> 00:58:11,653 - He is... he's fine. 662 00:58:14,258 --> 00:58:16,124 - Well if you ever want to talk about him, 663 00:58:16,126 --> 00:58:17,593 I'll listen. 664 00:58:20,631 --> 00:58:21,930 - Thank you, son. 665 00:59:27,631 --> 00:59:29,231 - Have a seat. 666 00:59:31,001 --> 00:59:32,668 - Is Sheris here? 667 00:59:32,670 --> 00:59:33,969 - She's asleep. 668 00:59:35,639 --> 00:59:38,006 - Is everything okay? 669 00:59:38,008 --> 00:59:40,075 - Yeah, we're fine. 670 00:59:40,077 --> 00:59:42,578 Now tell me about Salt Lake. 671 00:59:43,681 --> 00:59:47,316 - Well, it was really sad and really sweet. 672 00:59:48,752 --> 00:59:53,055 And we said goodbye, and... now I'm here. 673 00:59:54,458 --> 00:59:57,859 - Well that doesn't make any sense. 674 00:59:59,196 --> 01:00:03,165 You guys have been at this what, six, seven years. 675 01:00:03,167 --> 01:00:08,704 I love you, no I don't, I'm Mormon, no I'm not. 676 01:00:08,706 --> 01:00:12,207 My parents will be mad if we fuck, we shouldn't fuck. 677 01:00:12,209 --> 01:00:14,843 Fucking is against our religion. 678 01:00:14,845 --> 01:00:16,878 If everyone would just stop giving a fuck about 679 01:00:16,880 --> 01:00:19,247 who everyone else was fucking then there wouldn't 680 01:00:19,249 --> 01:00:21,049 be a problem. 681 01:00:21,051 --> 01:00:23,785 I don't care who anyone fucks except for Sharis. 682 01:00:23,787 --> 01:00:26,288 Why should I care about who that guy fucks, 683 01:00:26,290 --> 01:00:30,459 or that guy fucks, or that guy fucks, or that guy fucks, 684 01:00:30,461 --> 01:00:32,628 it's all bullshit. 685 01:00:33,464 --> 01:00:34,796 - Yeah, I agree. 686 01:00:36,467 --> 01:00:40,802 - Good, so then what are you afraid of? 687 01:00:43,073 --> 01:00:44,740 - Nothing. 688 01:00:54,685 --> 01:00:58,487 - You know there's a community of people out there 689 01:00:58,489 --> 01:01:03,759 who love you and want you to be happy 690 01:01:03,761 --> 01:01:08,163 and we want you to find love. 691 01:01:10,200 --> 01:01:12,467 - You know, I could do it. 692 01:01:14,538 --> 01:01:21,209 I could-I could compromise if it meant living a life with him. 693 01:01:22,646 --> 01:01:24,346 - So then why don't you? 694 01:01:25,516 --> 01:01:30,018 - Because you're either gay, or you're a man of faith... 695 01:01:30,020 --> 01:01:32,821 but apparently you can't be both. 696 01:01:36,060 --> 01:01:38,093 - Hey. - Hi. 697 01:01:43,534 --> 01:01:46,268 - You know, you can tell her to stop talking. 698 01:01:46,270 --> 01:01:47,703 That's what I do. 699 01:01:52,309 --> 01:01:53,975 Waking me up. 700 01:01:55,179 --> 01:01:56,378 Hi. 701 01:02:04,354 --> 01:02:06,655 I heard about Chris's mom. 702 01:02:10,527 --> 01:02:12,127 How are you doing? 703 01:02:13,363 --> 01:02:15,397 - Eh... 704 01:02:16,300 --> 01:02:17,999 - Come here. 705 01:02:29,713 --> 01:02:33,348 - You make me feel like a baby when you do that. 706 01:02:33,350 --> 01:02:35,217 - Because you are one. 707 01:03:18,695 --> 01:03:21,496 - No, no, no. - Do one more with me. 708 01:03:21,498 --> 01:03:24,299 - No, I'm good. - Just one more, come on. 709 01:03:24,301 --> 01:03:27,903 - No, really, I'm good. - Fine. 710 01:03:30,641 --> 01:03:32,541 - You are falling apart. 711 01:03:32,543 --> 01:03:37,879 - Am I? I think I'm finally letting loose. 712 01:03:37,881 --> 01:03:39,981 - Well, you've been letting loose for a while. 713 01:03:39,983 --> 01:03:42,684 - Well, you need to loosen up. 714 01:03:56,934 --> 01:03:58,500 What do we do now? 715 01:04:00,270 --> 01:04:03,638 - Well I pass out because I have to go be an editor in the morning. 716 01:04:03,640 --> 01:04:07,542 - No, no, no, I mean your body of work. 717 01:04:07,544 --> 01:04:11,446 Those books on the shelf, they're filled with your feelings 718 01:04:11,448 --> 01:04:12,981 about this man. 719 01:04:13,617 --> 01:04:15,083 He was your muse. 720 01:04:18,155 --> 01:04:20,055 - I'll find a new one. 721 01:04:22,192 --> 01:04:24,292 - I could be your muse. 722 01:04:25,429 --> 01:04:27,128 I make a great muse. 723 01:04:28,699 --> 01:04:30,198 - Yeah, you are. 724 01:04:38,375 --> 01:04:39,641 - What? 725 01:04:40,310 --> 01:04:41,710 - Nothing. 726 01:05:35,098 --> 01:05:40,302 - Okay, okay, no, okay, okay, okay. 727 01:05:42,406 --> 01:05:43,538 - He's not here. 728 01:05:43,540 --> 01:05:45,373 - It's not about him. 729 01:05:46,476 --> 01:05:48,009 - You're attracted to me right? 730 01:05:48,011 --> 01:05:50,445 - Of course, you're beautiful. 731 01:06:02,292 --> 01:06:07,228 Hey come on, please don't be... 732 01:06:07,230 --> 01:06:10,265 Don't let this be awkward between us. 733 01:06:10,267 --> 01:06:12,200 - Too late. 734 01:06:12,202 --> 01:06:14,836 - Look, I have feelings for you. 735 01:06:15,639 --> 01:06:18,807 And they are complicated feelings. 736 01:06:18,809 --> 01:06:20,709 We just can't have sex. 737 01:06:21,912 --> 01:06:23,745 It'll mess it up. 738 01:06:23,747 --> 01:06:26,915 - We both know what it's like to love something 739 01:06:26,917 --> 01:06:30,819 that doesn't love us back, don't we? 740 01:06:33,757 --> 01:06:38,059 - Ryan... come on. 741 01:06:38,562 --> 01:06:39,661 - What? 742 01:06:39,663 --> 01:06:41,997 - Come here, come on. 743 01:06:44,234 --> 01:06:46,267 Come here. 744 01:07:02,219 --> 01:07:05,253 - Do you still believe in God, RJ? 745 01:07:07,858 --> 01:07:11,026 Do you think that He's here right now? 746 01:07:21,505 --> 01:07:24,906 Because I'm starting to see our Heavenly Father... 747 01:07:24,908 --> 01:07:31,646 like I see the Prophet or the other leaders, as... 748 01:07:31,648 --> 01:07:33,982 flawed men. 749 01:07:35,652 --> 01:07:38,720 I don't want to see Him like that. 750 01:07:40,290 --> 01:07:44,292 I want to know that He's here, and that He loves me. 751 01:07:47,898 --> 01:07:50,398 - Do you feel loved right now? 752 01:07:54,538 --> 01:07:56,471 - In this moment, I do. 753 01:08:00,644 --> 01:08:02,277 - Then maybe He is. 754 01:08:12,189 --> 01:08:14,456 - I have to admit... 755 01:08:14,458 --> 01:08:18,460 I didn't want you and Chris to work out. 756 01:08:18,462 --> 01:08:19,594 - I know that. 757 01:08:20,764 --> 01:08:23,998 - I just didn't want to lose what we have. 758 01:08:26,369 --> 01:08:29,471 - I am not what you want, and I think you know that. 759 01:08:31,908 --> 01:08:35,710 - I looked at you guys, and I thought to myself, 760 01:08:37,280 --> 01:08:42,617 "I want that... I want that. 761 01:08:43,687 --> 01:08:46,087 Or something like that." 762 01:08:46,089 --> 01:08:48,022 - You can have it. 763 01:08:51,161 --> 01:08:53,428 - I want a family some day, RJ. 764 01:08:53,430 --> 01:08:55,630 I want a Temple wedding. 765 01:08:55,632 --> 01:08:58,133 I don't want to be told that I'm going to be banished 766 01:08:58,135 --> 01:09:00,702 to the outer darkness for wanting that. 767 01:09:02,239 --> 01:09:05,106 I have been to the dark places, 768 01:09:05,108 --> 01:09:07,842 and I had to pull myself out. 769 01:09:10,914 --> 01:09:12,947 I don't want to go back there. 770 01:09:30,100 --> 01:09:36,371 - You can have all of that, but not if you're gone. 771 01:09:58,428 --> 01:10:00,161 - What do we do now? 772 01:10:08,538 --> 01:10:11,339 - We call your mission companion. 773 01:10:11,341 --> 01:10:13,975 - No, no we don't. - Yeah. Yeah. 774 01:10:15,412 --> 01:10:19,747 - Come on is there a way to get a hold of Elder Petersen? 775 01:10:21,751 --> 01:10:23,251 - Maybe. 776 01:10:24,821 --> 01:10:26,521 - Then let's call him. 777 01:10:26,523 --> 01:10:30,358 - It's probably not even his number any more. 778 01:10:30,360 --> 01:10:32,860 Besides he wouldn't pick up, he's probably 779 01:10:32,862 --> 01:10:35,463 out with his friends or something. 780 01:10:35,465 --> 01:10:38,199 At BYU, it's like 2 am. 781 01:10:39,336 --> 01:10:43,605 - Okay, well maybe not, but still he wouldn't pick up. 782 01:10:44,874 --> 01:10:47,075 - Well then it doesn't matter. 783 01:10:47,077 --> 01:10:49,143 - He might be angry with me. 784 01:10:49,145 --> 01:10:50,211 - Why? 785 01:10:53,550 --> 01:10:56,251 - He went home for what we did. 786 01:11:01,558 --> 01:11:02,590 He's ashamed. 787 01:11:06,830 --> 01:11:10,231 - He could fall in love with another boy, 788 01:11:11,468 --> 01:11:15,837 or worse, he could marry some unsuspecting girl. 789 01:11:15,839 --> 01:11:18,139 - I've been drinking. 790 01:11:18,141 --> 01:11:20,441 - That'll only help. 791 01:11:20,443 --> 01:11:23,411 - I'll call him some other time. 792 01:11:23,413 --> 01:11:25,747 - No, no, tonight, we're gonna call him tonight. 793 01:11:25,749 --> 01:11:28,750 - Chris never answered your calls after your mission. 794 01:11:28,752 --> 01:11:30,918 - Yeah, I didn't try hard enough. - Well, he didn't let you. 795 01:11:30,920 --> 01:11:33,921 - I could've tried harder. - Don't fuck this up like I did. 796 01:11:33,923 --> 01:11:35,256 - You didn't. 797 01:11:36,626 --> 01:11:39,694 - Come on let me see your phone. 798 01:11:39,696 --> 01:11:41,496 - It's probably dead. 799 01:11:46,469 --> 01:11:48,236 - You're not going to do it, come on. 800 01:11:48,238 --> 01:11:50,305 - Just let me sort it out. 801 01:11:52,342 --> 01:11:54,208 - His roommates are probably out right now 802 01:11:54,210 --> 01:11:55,810 soaking with their girlfriends. 803 01:11:55,812 --> 01:11:57,278 - Gross. 804 01:11:59,783 --> 01:12:04,585 - He's alone in his dorm, and he wants you to call him. 805 01:12:04,587 --> 01:12:05,953 - No, he doesn't. 806 01:12:09,059 --> 01:12:12,960 - You know when you think about someone you love, 807 01:12:12,962 --> 01:12:16,831 it's usually because they're thinking about you, too. 808 01:12:37,420 --> 01:12:39,387 - Hello? 809 01:12:41,691 --> 01:12:43,324 - It's Ryan. 810 01:12:46,062 --> 01:12:48,229 I'm in Portland. 811 01:12:49,199 --> 01:12:51,466 That's cool. 812 01:12:51,468 --> 01:12:53,701 How did you know I'd be up? 813 01:12:53,703 --> 01:12:55,436 - Just luck, I guess. 814 01:12:56,506 --> 01:13:01,008 It's nice to hear from you. 815 01:13:02,512 --> 01:13:04,645 - It's so good to hear your voice. 816 01:13:04,647 --> 01:13:06,180 It's weird you'd called, 817 01:13:06,182 --> 01:13:08,116 I've been thinking about you. 818 01:13:08,118 --> 01:13:09,450 - You have? 819 01:13:09,452 --> 01:13:13,821 - Yeah, like all the flipping time. 820 01:13:19,429 --> 01:13:21,062 - Are you alone? 821 01:13:22,532 --> 01:13:25,266 Yeah, are you? 822 01:13:26,336 --> 01:13:28,035 - Yeah, I am. 823 01:13:29,773 --> 01:13:32,039 So, how have you been? 824 01:13:33,743 --> 01:13:36,611 - Good. 825 01:13:40,517 --> 01:13:43,451 I miss you. 826 01:13:44,487 --> 01:13:45,753 - I miss you, too. 827 01:13:46,623 --> 01:13:49,257 - Really? - Yeah. 828 01:13:52,562 --> 01:13:55,029 - I wish I could see your face. 829 01:13:58,635 --> 01:14:01,169 - Well maybe we could make that happen. 830 01:14:01,171 --> 01:14:04,172 - Really? - Yeah. 831 01:14:09,245 --> 01:14:13,114 - I remember how you used to look at me. 832 01:14:13,116 --> 01:14:16,451 - Like you were the only person in the world? 833 01:14:16,453 --> 01:14:18,352 - Yeah. 834 01:14:18,354 --> 01:14:20,755 - It's because that's all I saw. 835 01:14:24,194 --> 01:14:26,594 I love you. 836 01:14:31,000 --> 01:14:32,834 - I love you, too. 837 01:14:34,771 --> 01:14:37,505 So much. 838 01:14:41,311 --> 01:14:45,980 - I'm coming home, I think it's time. 839 01:16:20,410 --> 01:16:22,109 - President, may I sit? 840 01:16:22,111 --> 01:16:24,591 - Yes, brother Merrill. 841 01:16:31,554 --> 01:16:34,655 Let me first say that I am praying for you. 842 01:16:34,657 --> 01:16:37,258 I've been speaking with our Heavenly Father, 843 01:16:37,260 --> 01:16:38,960 and He loves you. 844 01:16:38,962 --> 01:16:42,863 Debbie was dear to me and to Francis. 845 01:16:42,865 --> 01:16:45,566 How are Chelsea, and Greg, Chris and Kaylee? 846 01:16:47,136 --> 01:16:51,205 - Well Chelsea is taking it pretty hard, as is Greg. 847 01:16:52,308 --> 01:16:55,876 Kaylee, we tell her that Deedee has gone on 848 01:16:55,878 --> 01:16:59,847 to her eternal family, but you know, she's a child. 849 01:17:01,184 --> 01:17:03,818 Chris has been a rock. 850 01:17:03,820 --> 01:17:06,420 And he's actually a big part of the reason 851 01:17:06,422 --> 01:17:08,522 I'm here today. 852 01:17:08,524 --> 01:17:10,291 - Oh? 853 01:17:10,293 --> 01:17:14,629 - He suffered from same-sex attraction for many years. 854 01:17:14,631 --> 01:17:19,133 I tried, I did everything I could to help him, 855 01:17:19,135 --> 01:17:21,936 but I've stopped that now. 856 01:17:21,938 --> 01:17:25,072 - It's a very difficult situation. 857 01:17:25,074 --> 01:17:29,343 - I realized that he is fine the way he is. 858 01:17:29,345 --> 01:17:32,380 There's no need for him to change. 859 01:17:33,149 --> 01:17:34,582 - Brother Merrill, 860 01:17:34,584 --> 01:17:38,452 you know that Lucifer will try every trick to mislead us. 861 01:17:40,256 --> 01:17:42,923 - You continue to teach me to be open 862 01:17:42,925 --> 01:17:46,694 to the promptings of the spirit, and I feel my heart 863 01:17:46,696 --> 01:17:49,764 softening towards Chris and the many faithful 864 01:17:49,766 --> 01:17:51,132 who are like him. 865 01:17:57,073 --> 01:17:59,473 Where's our spirituality? 866 01:17:59,475 --> 01:18:02,810 Where's our response to the love of God? 867 01:18:04,981 --> 01:18:09,016 This doesn't feel like love, making people choose... 868 01:18:10,319 --> 01:18:13,921 separating ourselves from them for eternity. 869 01:18:17,727 --> 01:18:21,762 Have you seen what's happening in the world? 870 01:18:21,764 --> 01:18:27,234 People are being killed, beaten, discriminated against 871 01:18:27,236 --> 01:18:32,073 every day, my son among them. 872 01:18:32,075 --> 01:18:33,274 - I understand, 873 01:18:33,276 --> 01:18:37,745 brother Merrill, but I have heard from the Lord... 874 01:18:37,747 --> 01:18:41,849 is that we have to proceed as we already have. 875 01:18:42,952 --> 01:18:45,953 - Well, I, too, have talked to our Heavenly Father. 876 01:18:45,955 --> 01:18:47,503 Oh, have you? 877 01:18:47,515 --> 01:18:52,193 Yes and He told me that we, the apostles, and... 878 01:18:54,163 --> 01:18:57,431 the Quorum must continue to discuss this matter. 879 01:19:05,341 --> 01:19:08,743 - Alright, son, you'll have your meeting. 880 01:19:10,012 --> 01:19:14,281 In the meantime, Noah, get some rest. 881 01:19:14,283 --> 01:19:15,850 You're going through much more now 882 01:19:15,852 --> 01:19:17,618 than you may realize. 883 01:19:19,122 --> 01:19:22,790 - Thank you, but I really need to work right now. 884 01:19:24,193 --> 01:19:25,960 - I understand. 885 01:19:25,962 --> 01:19:27,628 Let us pray. 886 01:19:27,630 --> 01:19:28,963 - Of course. 887 01:19:32,101 --> 01:19:37,238 - Dear Heavenly Father, we thank you for the friendships 888 01:19:38,674 --> 01:19:45,379 that support us in difficult times... when we lose family 889 01:19:45,381 --> 01:19:49,250 until we see them again in eternal life, 890 01:19:49,252 --> 01:19:50,818 it is very hard. 891 01:19:54,323 --> 01:19:56,490 - Okay. Do you remember which order these go in? 892 01:19:56,492 --> 01:19:57,525 - Yeah. 893 01:19:58,294 --> 01:20:01,095 - Alright, put 'em in order for me. 894 01:20:09,105 --> 01:20:12,206 Very good, good job. 895 01:20:14,110 --> 01:20:17,244 So can you tell me where Grandma is, do you remember? 896 01:20:17,246 --> 01:20:20,781 Very good, that's the spirit world. That's paradise. 897 01:20:20,783 --> 01:20:22,583 That's where she's waiting for all of us. 898 01:20:22,585 --> 01:20:24,919 - Here? - Yep, right there. 899 01:20:24,921 --> 01:20:28,022 - Yeah, right there, and one day, we will all 900 01:20:28,024 --> 01:20:30,858 be together right here. 901 01:20:30,860 --> 01:20:34,361 So it'll be you, and me, and Mommy's going to be there, 902 01:20:34,363 --> 01:20:38,566 and your Grandma, and we will all be together forever. 903 01:20:38,568 --> 01:20:40,501 - RJ, too? 904 01:20:43,806 --> 01:20:46,774 - Yeah, of course, he'll be there. 905 01:20:50,213 --> 01:20:52,613 Of course, he'll be there, baby. 906 01:20:56,185 --> 01:20:57,918 Oh, your Mommy's going to be here in a few minutes. 907 01:20:57,920 --> 01:20:59,720 Do you want to go outside and wait for her? 908 01:20:59,722 --> 01:21:01,222 See if we can see her drive up? 909 01:21:01,224 --> 01:21:02,756 - Yeah. - Okay. 910 01:21:45,301 --> 01:21:47,902 - You promise you're not mad that I'm not going to BYU? 911 01:21:47,904 --> 01:21:49,336 - I'm not mad. 912 01:21:50,306 --> 01:21:51,972 This makes so more sense. 913 01:21:51,974 --> 01:21:54,675 You won't have to disrupt Kaylee's life. 914 01:21:55,912 --> 01:21:57,878 This place is beautiful. 915 01:21:57,880 --> 01:21:59,313 - Yeah. 916 01:21:59,315 --> 01:22:01,181 It's the right thing. 917 01:22:06,055 --> 01:22:09,456 I was thinking about our dinner with the Smiths, 918 01:22:09,458 --> 01:22:12,159 and how much I wished your mom could have been there 919 01:22:12,161 --> 01:22:14,261 for that. 920 01:22:19,802 --> 01:22:23,137 It had a life marker feel about it. 921 01:22:27,143 --> 01:22:32,146 It's inspired me to bring some matters up 922 01:22:32,148 --> 01:22:34,148 before the Quorum. 923 01:22:34,150 --> 01:22:37,484 I'm going to broach the subject of the new policy 924 01:22:37,486 --> 01:22:40,955 and also same-sex marriage in the Church. 925 01:22:45,761 --> 01:22:48,095 What do you think about that? 926 01:22:52,068 --> 01:22:56,870 - I don't think I ever told you this, but... while I was 927 01:22:56,872 --> 01:23:02,476 in therapy... they told me time and again, 928 01:23:02,478 --> 01:23:05,980 you can choose God or you can choose love. 929 01:23:07,316 --> 01:23:10,784 Well, to me, they're one in the same. 930 01:23:10,786 --> 01:23:14,421 My own daughter knows that, a child knows that. 931 01:23:17,626 --> 01:23:20,561 I'm not going to let anyone tell me who I can 932 01:23:20,563 --> 01:23:25,199 and can't be with... and I'm not going to let anyone... 933 01:23:25,201 --> 01:23:28,435 define those choices for me either. 934 01:23:34,543 --> 01:23:38,946 This meeting with the President, with the Quorum... 935 01:23:41,550 --> 01:23:45,652 thank you, but I hope you're not doing it just for me. 936 01:23:48,090 --> 01:23:49,390 I hope you're doing it because you know 937 01:23:49,392 --> 01:23:51,992 it's the right thing to do. 938 01:23:54,163 --> 01:23:58,265 - As a member of the Quorum, I'm limited. 939 01:23:58,267 --> 01:24:02,136 I'm one voice in that room, but I'm going to have 940 01:24:02,138 --> 01:24:04,071 your mom with me. 941 01:24:09,645 --> 01:24:14,481 You know... when I saw you and RJ together, 942 01:24:14,483 --> 01:24:18,318 when he had his panic attack, and you ran after him... 943 01:24:18,320 --> 01:24:21,388 reassured him, talked him through it. 944 01:24:22,758 --> 01:24:26,760 That reminded me so much of your mom and I, 945 01:24:26,762 --> 01:24:29,096 and how we cared for each other. 946 01:24:29,732 --> 01:24:31,398 That's love. 947 01:24:32,234 --> 01:24:34,268 I saw that with you. 948 01:24:35,805 --> 01:24:40,474 It's like a dream... 949 01:24:40,476 --> 01:24:44,011 this life, it only lasts so long. 950 01:24:50,820 --> 01:24:52,386 I love you, son. 951 01:24:53,589 --> 01:24:55,522 - I love you, too, Dad. 952 01:24:59,195 --> 01:25:00,828 - God, I miss her. 953 01:25:02,364 --> 01:25:03,764 - Me too. 954 01:26:54,743 --> 01:26:57,110 - Hey. - Hi. 955 01:26:57,112 --> 01:26:58,645 - How long have you been here? 956 01:26:58,647 --> 01:27:00,681 - Three and a half hours. 957 01:27:00,683 --> 01:27:02,482 - I'm so sorry. 958 01:27:02,484 --> 01:27:03,550 - It's okay. 959 01:27:05,254 --> 01:27:06,553 - You got into law school. 960 01:27:06,555 --> 01:27:09,289 - I did. 961 01:27:11,994 --> 01:27:16,563 - Congratulations. - Thank you... Oh, okay. 962 01:28:54,196 --> 01:28:58,365 - Have you had time... to think? 963 01:29:12,948 --> 01:29:15,549 You don't have to be strong for me. 964 01:29:47,282 --> 01:29:49,750 - I never got to say goodbye. 965 01:29:52,521 --> 01:29:54,821 She was so good. 966 01:32:39,821 --> 01:32:43,056 - Hi, you've reached the voice-mail box of Christopher Merrill. 967 01:32:43,058 --> 01:32:46,593 - Chris, as a member of the Quorum of the Twelve, 968 01:32:46,595 --> 01:32:49,563 I have to tell you that I cannot support you, 969 01:32:49,565 --> 01:32:53,700 but as your father, you have my blessing. 970 01:32:53,702 --> 01:32:56,536 You don't need it, but you have it. 971 01:33:09,785 --> 01:33:12,152 - Hey, hey, you have time. 972 01:33:12,154 --> 01:33:13,820 You're not going to miss your flight. 973 01:33:13,822 --> 01:33:16,122 - I'm sorry. - It's okay. 974 01:33:21,630 --> 01:33:25,532 What's in going to be like when you start school? 975 01:33:25,534 --> 01:33:28,101 - Well, you know there's going to be breaks every now 976 01:33:28,103 --> 01:33:33,940 and then, and it's only three years. 977 01:33:33,942 --> 01:33:37,444 - A lot can happen in three years. 978 01:33:37,446 --> 01:33:39,479 - Yeah. 979 01:33:39,481 --> 01:33:40,747 - I just feel like you're going to leave, 980 01:33:40,749 --> 01:33:43,216 and everything's going to be the same. 981 01:33:43,218 --> 01:33:44,884 - RJ, I know why you feel that way. 982 01:33:44,886 --> 01:33:47,087 - I prayed this morning. 983 01:33:49,825 --> 01:33:54,327 I prayed for Heavenly Father to give me strength. 984 01:33:54,329 --> 01:33:58,164 I prayed for strength to let us go, 985 01:33:59,368 --> 01:34:01,735 so that you could attend to matters in your own life, 986 01:34:01,737 --> 01:34:03,870 and I could do the same. 987 01:34:06,708 --> 01:34:09,909 I know that the Church has betrayed us... 988 01:34:11,213 --> 01:34:19,185 and it's excluded us, and it's been... heart breaking... 989 01:34:19,187 --> 01:34:20,987 but when you're wrapped up in it, 990 01:34:20,989 --> 01:34:22,822 I can't live without it. 991 01:34:31,099 --> 01:34:35,769 - I know it's been really crazy the last couple 992 01:34:35,771 --> 01:34:39,506 of weeks, and for my part, I apologize for that... 993 01:34:44,746 --> 01:34:46,079 but if it's taught me anything, 994 01:34:46,081 --> 01:34:49,015 it's that life is way too short. 995 01:34:50,352 --> 01:34:54,454 For the first time in my life, I know what I want 996 01:34:54,456 --> 01:34:55,955 and who I want. 997 01:34:58,026 --> 01:34:59,426 I want you. 998 01:35:02,698 --> 01:35:08,068 And Kaylee, and the Church, I want it all... 999 01:35:09,204 --> 01:35:11,071 because we deserve it. 1000 01:35:11,807 --> 01:35:13,440 - I want it all, too. 1001 01:35:13,442 --> 01:35:15,809 I want everything. 1002 01:35:15,811 --> 01:35:19,679 It belongs to us as much as it belongs to anyone else... 1003 01:35:21,283 --> 01:35:25,819 and nobody can tell us what our options are... 1004 01:35:25,821 --> 01:35:28,121 and I don't want to fuck around anymore. 1005 01:35:35,197 --> 01:35:40,667 - Well, I had this whole other thing planned. 1006 01:35:48,944 --> 01:35:52,378 I called your dad recently... 1007 01:35:54,549 --> 01:35:59,719 and the reason I called him was to ask his permission to marry his son. 1008 01:36:24,746 --> 01:36:26,412 Will you marry me? 1009 01:36:30,318 --> 01:36:34,621 Yes... 1010 01:36:34,623 --> 01:36:36,656 I love you. 1011 01:36:37,759 --> 01:36:39,526 - I love you so much. 1012 01:36:48,036 --> 01:36:50,837 I will never leave you again. 1013 01:37:04,486 --> 01:37:07,120 You need some tissue? 1014 01:37:07,122 --> 01:37:08,621 - No, no I'm okay. 1015 01:37:10,559 --> 01:37:13,059 - I have a plane to catch. 1016 01:37:13,061 --> 01:37:15,562 - You said you would never leave. - Just this once. 1017 01:37:15,564 --> 01:37:17,397 - Okay. - Okay. 1018 01:37:25,807 --> 01:37:28,842 - Our dear Heavenly Father, we're so very grateful 1019 01:37:28,844 --> 01:37:33,479 for this blessed day, to be here, with these two young men. 1020 01:37:33,481 --> 01:37:36,182 We pray that thy spirit will be with us, 1021 01:37:36,184 --> 01:37:39,052 and it will bless them and strengthen them 1022 01:37:39,054 --> 01:37:41,588 as they endure life's challenges together. 1023 01:37:41,590 --> 01:37:44,157 We pray that all will be enriched by this experience 1024 01:37:44,159 --> 01:37:45,625 as we leave today, 1025 01:37:45,627 --> 01:37:48,862 and that we will always remember to treat thy children 1026 01:37:48,864 --> 01:37:53,132 with the utmost of love, kindness, and patience, 1027 01:37:53,134 --> 01:37:55,735 and we ask these things humbly in the name of thy Son, 1028 01:37:55,737 --> 01:37:57,637 Jesus Christ, Amen. 1029 01:37:57,639 --> 01:37:59,272 - Amen. 1030 01:38:03,545 --> 01:38:05,245 - And now the rings. 1031 01:38:25,367 --> 01:38:29,002 Brethren, do you take one another by the hand 1032 01:38:30,472 --> 01:38:34,173 and receive each other to be your lawful and wedded 1033 01:38:34,175 --> 01:38:37,310 husband for time and all eternity, 1034 01:38:39,781 --> 01:38:43,049 and this you do in the presence of God, angels, 1035 01:38:43,051 --> 01:38:49,622 and these witnesses of your own free will and choice? 1036 01:38:49,624 --> 01:38:51,291 - Yes. 1037 01:38:51,793 --> 01:38:53,159 - Yes. 1038 01:38:54,362 --> 01:38:58,665 - By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husbands. 1039 01:39:29,864 --> 01:39:37,603 - My name is RJ Smith, and I married Chris, the love of my life... 1040 01:39:37,605 --> 01:39:41,374 in December of 2016, in Portland, Oregon, 1041 01:39:44,179 --> 01:39:46,779 our families were both there, 1042 01:39:46,781 --> 01:39:49,482 including my stepdaughter Kaylee. 1043 01:39:52,287 --> 01:39:55,088 I soon moved to Salt Lake with them. 1044 01:39:56,992 --> 01:39:59,092 I got a job as an adjunct professor 1045 01:39:59,094 --> 01:40:05,798 at the University of Utah, and I finished my new book. 1046 01:40:08,503 --> 01:40:12,872 I finally found a way to join the two opposing sides of myself. 1047 01:40:17,512 --> 01:40:23,216 My first day in our home, we knelt down and prayed. 1048 01:40:26,888 --> 01:40:31,758 Chris said to me softly, "This is it." 1049 01:40:34,529 --> 01:40:36,295 This is what we have. 1050 01:40:39,467 --> 01:40:42,702 "This is what we've been fighting for." 1051 01:40:43,905 --> 01:40:49,142 He said it was all worth it... and he was right.